Alice Jane Dimon » RAISING RESILIENT KIDS

RAISING RESILIENT KIDS

Resiliency helps kids navigate the inevitable trials, triumphs and tribulations of childhood and adolescence. Resilient kids also become resilient adults, able to survive and thrive in the face of life’s unavoidable stressors.

 

  1. Don’t accommodate every need.

Whenever we try to provide certainty and comfort, we are getting in the way of children being able to develop their own problem-solving and mastery. Overprotecting kids only fuels their anxiety.

  1. Avoid eliminating all risk.

Naturally, parents want to keep their kids safe. But eliminating all risk robs kids of learning resiliency. The key is to allow appropriate risks and teach your kids essential skills. Giving kids age-appropriate freedom helps them learn their own limits.

  1. Teach them to problem-solve.

Engage your child in figuring out how they can handle challenges. Give them the opportunity, over and over, to figure out what works and what doesn’t.

  1. Teach your kids concrete skills.

Focus on the specific skills they’ll need to learn in order to handle certain situations. Ask “Where are we going with this situation? What skill do they need to get there?”

  1. Avoid “why” questions.

“Why” questions aren’t helpful in promoting problem-solving. Ask “how” questions instead. For example, “You left your bike out in the rain, and your chain rusted. How will you fix that?” 

  1. Don’t provide all the answers.

Rather than providing your kids with every answer, start using the phrase “I don’t know,” followed by promoting problem-solving.  Using this phrase helps kids learn to tolerate uncertainty and think about ways to deal with potential challenges. Also, starting with small situations when they’re young helps prepare kids to handle bigger trials.  

  1. Avoid talking in catastrophic terms.

Pay attention to what you say to your kids and around them. Anxious parents, in particular, tend to talk very catastrophically around their children.

  1. Let your kids make mistakes.

Failure is not the end of the world. It’s the place you get to when you figure out what to do next. Letting kids mess up is tough and painful for parents. But it helps kids learn how to fix slip-ups and make better decisions next time.

  1. Help them manage their emotions.

Emotional management is key in resilience. Teach your kids that all emotions are OK.  It’s OK to feel angry that you lost the game or someone else finished your ice cream. Also, teach them that after feeling their feelings, they need to think through what they’re doing next.

If your child throws a tantrum, be clear about what behavior is appropriate (and inappropriate).

  1. Model resiliency.

Kids also learn from observing their parents’ behavior. Try to be calm and consistent.  When you do make a mistake, admit it.

Resiliency helps kids navigate the inevitable trials, triumphs and tribulations of childhood and adolescence. Resilient kids also become resilient adults, able to survive and thrive in the face of life’s unavoidable stressors.

 

Source:

Tartakovsky, M. (2018). 10 Tips For Raising Resilient Kids. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 30, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-tips-for-raising-resilient-kids/